


weekend

by eliottlallemants



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Happy Ending, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, One Night Stands, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Content, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliottlallemants/pseuds/eliottlallemants
Summary: lucas lallemant is drifting through life, bored and unhappy. all his days seem to run together and nothing seems to make him feel alive. he thinks things are destined to remain this way for good until one chance friday evening, he meets eliott demaury and through a weekend together, lucas's life is changed forever.or, the one based on the movie "weekend" (2011)
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 24
Kudos: 78





	1. friday night and saturday morning

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is a fic I have wanted to write for a few years now and i'm so glad that i am finally doing it. this is based on the movie "weekend" (2011). if you're familiar with the movie, i did change a few things, you can look in the tags to get an idea of what those changes may be. :) if you havent seen the movie, i recommend it but i think this fic may be a better experience if you don't watch it before this fic is done!! i am planning to post a chapter a week and have written a bit ahead with a detailed outline for the entire story.

It starts like any other weekend, which later strikes Lucas as strange- that everything seemed so normal when really, everything was about to change in his life for good. But on this particular weekend, it begins with Lucas standing on the doorstep to Manon’s apartment, fiddling with a bottle of wine he holds as he waits for her to answer the door. When the door finally opens, Manon immediately greets Lucas with a smile, pulling him into a hug. 

“Lucas! I’m so happy you could make it!” 

Lucas laughs, hugging Manon back. “You know I’d never miss your birthday party, Manon.” 

“I know, but I also know you've been working a lot recently,” Manon says, pulling back from the hug. “Come on, come in then. Everyone else is already here.” 

Lucas nods, following behind Manon as she leads him to the living room. As he walks in, he sees that Manon was indeed right: all of his friends were already there and either sitting on the couches or standing around talking to each other. Lucas quickly spots his best friend Yann sitting on a nearby couch and goes to sit by him, not wanting to become the center of attention by arriving late. 

“Hey, Lucas,” Yann smiles easily as Lucas gets settled next to him. “Nice of you to finally show up.” 

Lucas rolls his eyes and Yann lets out a good natured laugh in response. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Lucas replied. “I got held up at work, I couldn’t help it.”

“You work too much.” 

“I have to make a living, Yann.” 

“I know, Lucas. But you have to enjoy life too.” 

Lucas shifts uncomfortably at both Yann’s words and the familiar searching look in his eyes that always seems to see right through Lucas’s carefully constructed facade. “I do enjoy life.”

“Do you, though? You say you do but I have known you for ten years now, man. You are not truly happy, you won’t let yourself be truly happy. You're just drifting through life instead of looking for actual happiness and love and that's no way to live."

“Yann…” Lucas says imploringly. He knows Yann means well, that he only cares about Lucas, but it still makes Lucas uncomfortable to have it so directly addressed. Lucas is comfortable with his life- yes, maybe it could have been better, but he has good friends, is close to earning a degree that interests him, and has a decent job that pays his bills. That is enough for him, at least right now. 

Yann sighs. “All right, I’ll drop it. But maybe think about what I said, yeah? Because if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.” 

“Good,” Yann smiles. “Now, will you be there on Sunday?” 

“Of course I’ll be there, do you really think I’m going to miss my goddaughter’s birthday party?”

“All right, all right. I just wanted to check.” Yann replies, laughing.

“Is Emma all ready for the party, then?” Lucas asks. Yann and Emma had been high school sweethearts- it made Lucas uncomfortable to think about why they had broken up back then, but everything eventually worked out between the two as they reconciled when they were in college. This time, with their older age and added maturity, things had worked much better than they had before and within two years, Yann and Emma were married and the proud parents of a one year old daughter named Mia. Lucas had been named godfather, a source of great pride to him. 

“Emma? You really think Emma planned much of the party? Nah man, we’re ready for the party, but it's because I planned it, not her.” 

“Well, Emma always did love a good party, so I just thought…”

“Emma likes attending parties, not the planning of them,” Yann laughs, shaking his head fondly. “But no, it’s going to be great. Mia is so excited and Emma and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.” 

“Well, I’m looking forward to it too.”

“Good. Mia will be so happy you’re there.”

At this, Lucas feels a strange sense of loneliness hit him out of nowhere. It was weird- he is happy for Yann and Emma, he really is. They are two of the best people he has ever known and they deserve all the love and happiness they could have. But in times like this, Lucas couldn’t help but to think about the stark contrast between his life and his friend’s lives. He was the only single one left in his friend group- all of them were now either married or in a relationship. Even Imane, the one person who remained mostly single with him throughout the years, had recently entered a relationship. Lucas...well, he was beginning to feel a little left behind.

And he knows that it is stupid to feel that way, and probably a bit juvenile as well. His friends were still there for him just as much as they had been before. They still made sure to include him in everything they did and hung out with him as often as their schedules would allow. But the simple fact was that no matter how hard he tried to deny it to himself, Lucas felt alone. 

Lucas clears his throat before replying, hoping to get rid of the emotions that had suddenly welled up inside him. “Yeah,” he says, silently grateful that his voice remained steady and didn’t betray the way he was suddenly feeling overwhelmed with feelings. “I’m really excited to be able to see her too. Hey- I’m going to go get a drink now. You need anything?”

Yann shakes his head, taking a sip from the beer he holds. “Nah, man. I’m good. Thanks though.”

Lucas smiles at Yann in response, not trusting himself to speak again. With that, he quickly gets up and goes to the kitchen, relieved to see that it is empty and he doesn’t have to try and hide his anxiety anymore. Assured that he is alone for at least the time being, Lucas rests his hands against the counter, leaning his head down as he closes his eyes and begins to take deep measured breaths. _One. Two. Three._ Lucas forces himself to focus on his breath, to block out all of the thoughts in his mind and think only of the way his breath feels entering his body and then leaving it. 

After about a minute of this, Lucas feels his mind clear again and his heart return to a regular beat. He opens his eyes again, taking a final deep breath before going to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer. He heads out into the living room, not wanting anyone to notice his absence too long and question him about if he was okay or not. Because despite what his friends may think, Lucas is fine. He really is.

_______

Even though Lucas had been able to calm himself down, his mood remains _off_ for the rest of the night. His skin feels too tight on his body and his index finger taps restlessly at the beer bottle he holds. Things just feel wrong, no matter how much he tries to distract himself and get into the party and enjoy his time with his friends. 

Finally, after a few hours, Lucas goes up to Yann once more. “Hey, I think I’m going to say bye to Manon and then head out. It’s been a long day.” 

Yann looks up at Lucas from where he is sitting on the couch next to Basile, a goofy grin on his face that spoke to how much alcohol he had consumed during the night. 

“Okay, man, sounds good. You headed home then?”

“Yup,” Lucas confirms. “I’ll see you on Sunday?”

“See you Sunday, bro. Get home safe.”

And you see, Lucas doesn’t mean to lie to Yann, he really doesn’t. It’s just that after he says his goodbyes to Manon and gets on the bus that will take him home, he begins to feel that familiar itch of loneliness and desire for human connection- any type of human connection. Then, before he knows it, he is transferring buses as soon as he can and riding the new bus until he arrives at COX, the gay club he typically frequents in times like these. And Lucas knows that he is maybe getting a little too old for this, that running to drown his sorrows in gay clubs should probably have been something he had outgrown by now, but it still remains the one place he truly feels like he could be himself without reservation, without judgment.

Once he makes it inside Lucas sits at the bar, nursing a few beers for a little while as he looks around, hoping to find someone to distract him for the night. He is approached by one guy, but Lucas rebuffs him quickly when he notices that he is old enough to be his father. Lucas has long since outgrown _that_ particular brand of desperation. After this disappointing encounter, Lucas decides to let himself dance and get lost in the music for a bit, feeling tipsy enough that he no longer feels self-conscious about how ridiculous he may look. 

Lucas allows himself to get swallowed up in the crowd pulsing on the dance floor, closing his eyes as he begins to dance along to the music. And _this,_ this feeling of freedom, this is the exact reason Lucas keeps returning to places like this. As much as he loves his friends, he never feels quite this free with them, quite this accepted. As Lucas continues to dance, allowing his body to move to the beat, he suddenly feels an urge to open his eyes, like there is something that he needs to see, something that is demanding his attention. It is when Lucas opens his eyes that he sees _him_ for the first time.

Lucas doesn’t know who it is, the guy is completely unfamiliar to him. However, this is the most attractive guy he has seen in a long time, possibly ever in his life. He is wearing a tight black shirt and skinny jeans and has messy brown hair that Lucas itches to run his fingers through. But his most startling feature is his eyes: light colored, appearing almost gray in the fluorescent lights passing over his face. And the best part about those eyes? They are focused firmly on Lucas’s face, a slight smile twitching at his lips as Lucas looks back at him. 

This...this was one of the strangest feelings Lucas has ever felt. This guy is a stranger to him, just one of the many unfamiliar faces amongst the crowd packed into the club, yet Lucas feels inexplicably drawn to him in a way he has never experienced before. There is just something about him- something about the way he stares unabashedly at Lucas in a way that Lucas never seems to manage to do with other guys.

In his shock, Lucas feels himself stop dancing and he begins to get jostled by the bodies still pulsing next to him. The guy raises an eyebrow, still looking back at Lucas, before he turns and disappears into the crowd once more. And that- Lucas can not have that. Lucas quickly begins to push through the people near him, trying to get to the guy as soon as possible before he can vanish for good. Lucas doesn’t know why, but he just needs to speak to this guy. He needs to. 

However, the crowd is too thick and despite Lucas’s best attempts as he makes a full round of the club floor, the guy is nowhere to be found. Lucas knows it is dumb, that he doesn’t even know who the guy is, much less speak to him, but he can’t help but to feel disappointed. As he pouts, he decides to go to the bar and help himself to another beer.

It is here at the bar where Lucas is finally approached by a guy that he can see himself going home with. The guy introduces himself as Julien as he leads Lucas to a nearby bartop table so they can talk better. Lucas knows that objectively, Julien is the type of guy he is typically into, especially with the way he towers over Lucas’s smaller frame. However, his thoughts continue to stray towards the stranger he had seen, wondering where he had gone and if he is still in the club or if he had left with someone else by now. No way a guy that attractive was going home alone tonight. 

Lucas knows it is dumb to keep thinking of a guy that he would likely never see again. And besides, he _had_ come here for a distraction. So when Julien leans in to kiss Lucas, Lucas lets himself kiss back. And when Julien moves his kisses down to Lucas’s neck and pulls Lucas closer, Lucas lets himself exhale a sigh of pleasure and wraps his arms around Julien’s neck to encourage him to continue. But it is just as Lucas is allowing his thoughts to finally wander away from the stranger that he sees him again. 

He is visible over Julien’s back now that Julien is leaning down to kiss Lucas’s neck. Just like before, he is staring at Lucas, a slight smile on his lips. When Lucas’s eyes meet his again, one of the guy’s eyebrows rises as he pointedly shifts his eyes to look at Julien still wrapped around Lucas. Quickly, Lucas unwinds his arms from Julien’s neck. It feels wrong now. It feels all wrong. 

Seeming to notice the shift in Lucas’s mood, Julien pulls back from where he had been kissing Lucas. “You good?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowed together in concern. 

“Ye-Yes.” Lucas answers, pulling his eyes away from the stranger’s to look at Julien. “I’m just feeling a bit hot.”

“I can get you another drink if you want? Might help cool you down.” 

Lucas nods quickly. “Yes, that would be great, thank you so much.” 

“No problem,” Julien smiles. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” And with another quick kiss to Lucas’s lips, Julien heads back in the direction of the bar.

Lucas barely waits until Julien has taken two steps before swinging his eyes back to look for the stranger, hoping that he hasn’t disappeared into the crowd yet again. And nope, there he is. Still standing there, still looking beautiful, still looking back at Lucas. This time, he is smirking, biting delicately on the straw for the drink he holds in his hand. There is almost a challenge in his eyes, one that Lucas feels compelled to answer. Without even thinking about it, he walks towards the guy, watching as this causes the guy to smile wide in delight. 

“There you are.” the stranger says once Lucas finally stands in front of him. “Was beginning to think you’d never come over.” 

Lucas scoffs. “You were the one who disappeared earlier.” 

The guy smirks. “Was I? Sorry, just had to go to the bathroom. Didn’t know you would be looking for me. Name’s Eliott, by the way.” 

Eliott. Such a simple name, but one that Lucas knows he will not be forgetting any time soon. “Eliott.” Lucas replies, liking the way the syllables taste on his tongue. “Nice to meet you. I’m Lucas.” 

“Likewise, Lucas. So, what brings you here tonight?” 

“Just looking for some fun.” 

“Fun, huh?” Eliott smiles, taking another sip of his drink. Lucas tries to stop himself from being so obvious when he looks at how Eliott’s pink lips wrap around the straw, but he fails if Eliott’s smirk is anything to go by. “What kind of fun are you looking for?”

Lucas feels himself slowly smile as he shrugs in response. Two can play coy. “Not really sure...just whatever fun finds me.”

“Maybe some fun like what you were doing with that guy a few minutes ago?” 

Lucas grins. “Maybe.” 

“Speaking of that guy, he’s back at your table.” Lucas whips his head back around to see and sure enough, there Julien is with a fresh drink in his hand, looking around for Lucas. Lucas quickly turns back to face Eliott before Julien can spot him.

“So?” Lucas says nonchalantly. 

“So, he’s looking over here at us. He’s giving me a death glare right now.” 

“Again, so?” Lucas stubbornly repeats. “I’m right where I want to be.” 

At that, a smile blooms across Eliott’s face. And though Lucas has seen Eliott smile before, this smile is different. Unlike the other smiles which had been flirty or playful, this one just seems...happy. Like Lucas’s words make him happy. And isn’t that a thought?

“Well, okay then.” Eliott replies, still looking pleased at Lucas’s words. “So...since you’re looking for some fun, do you maybe want to dance with me?” 

In response, Lucas just grabs Eliott’s hand and immediately heads back towards the dance floor, pulling Eliott along behind him. Eliott crowds in close behind him so they don’t get separated in the thick of so many people and Lucas forces himself to take a deep breath at how just the feeling of Eliott close to him makes him more aroused than it has any right to. 

Once they reach the dance floor Lucas turns around and lets go of Eliott’s hand where it is still interwoven in his own, opting instead to begin to dance as close to him as he dares to. He is fueled by both liquid courage and the thrill of new attraction as he places his hands around Eliott’s back and enjoys the feeling of Eliott’s muscles through his shirt. Eliott responds beautifully, putting his hands on Lucas’s hips and pulling Lucas even closer than he had been. 

As they dance together, Lucas again lets himself get lost in the beat of the music and the way it feels to dance to its rhythm. However, this time the feeling is even headier, even _more_ than it had been before. Because this time, Lucas is dancing with a hot guy and this time, the guy is unlike anyone he has ever met at a gay club before. This time, the night feels full of possibilities rather than just a routine he occasionally goes through to release sexual tension and forget his lonely life. 

The music continues, shifting from one fast-paced song into the next seamlessly. Lucas loses count of how long they dance- the only thing he can focus on, the only thing he can feel is Eliott’s body moving against his own and Eliott’s hands moving all across his body from his hips to his back to his butt. And as they dance, Lucas and Eliott look at each other, letting the heavy attraction between them grow thicker and thicker until Lucas feels like he is going to crawl out of his skin with how much he wants Eliott. 

Finally- _finally-_ it seems that Eliott feels the same as him as he leans in, maintaining eye contact with Lucas as he gets closer and closer. Lucas licks his lips and closes his eyes, anticipating the feeling of a first kiss, of Eliott’s lips against his own. But instead, Lucas only feels Eliott’s breath over his face for a brief moment before it moves to his ear. 

“Want to get out of here?” Eliott says, his low voice and hot breath making Lucas grab him tighter. 

Lucas pulls back enough to be able to look Eliott in the eyes again. He rolls his eyes as he sees that Eliott is smirking once more. “You fucking tease.” 

“Is that a no then?” Eliott laughs, licking his lips. 

“Fuck no. It’s a let’s get the fuck out of here already.” 

With that, Lucas grabs on to Eliott’s hand again and leads him off the dance floor and towards the exit. Eliott chuckles at Lucas’s eagerness at first but then crowds in close behind him once more as they make their way back through the club. Lucas shudders when Eliott grabs onto his shirt with his other hand and he can feel Eliott’s warm fingertips brushing against his back through the fabric. Out of the corner of his eye, he thinks he sees Julien looking at them, but he can’t be bothered to care. All he can focus on at this moment is Eliott and getting him somewhere private as soon as possible. 

Once they are outside, Lucas comes to a stop and turns to face Eliott. A fleeting thought crosses through his mind that maybe he should drop Eliott’s hand now that they are out of the crowd of people, but it feels too good and besides, Eliott isn’t letting go either. 

“So, your place or mine?” Lucas asks.

“My roommate is probably going to be home by now, but we can still go to mine if you're okay with that.” 

“Nah,” Lucas shakes his head. “My roommate is gone all weekend, let’s go back to mine instead.” 

Eliott nods and bounces on his toes a little in excitement. It is way cuter than it has any right to be, especially for someone Lucas has just met and barely knows. Ignoring the way his heart clenches in feeling at the smile on Eliott’s face, Lucas pulls out his phone to request an Uber. Luck is on his side and one is only a few minutes away so before he knows it, he and Eliott are sliding into the backseat of a car and are on the way to his apartment. 

During the drive, Lucas feels his skin buzzing with anticipation. It’s weird, this is far from the first hookup he has picked up at a gay club, but this time it just seems different. It seems like more, it seems like possibilities, like maybe the beginning of something new. He just met him, but this feeling he already has with Eliott is something that is quickly becoming addictive. 

Abruptly, Lucas is pulled out of his thoughts when Eliott reaches over and places a hand on his knee. Lucas looks over to see Eliott staring at him, intention heavy in his eyes. Lucas swallows as he places his hand over Eliott’s, suddenly wishing the car would drive a lot faster. Eliott’s thumb strokes over Lucas’s knee for the rest of the ride and Lucas lets out a sigh of relief when they finally arrive at his apartment building. He exits the car with Eliott, making sure to thank the drive as they go. 

Since he lives on the fifth floor, Lucas elects to take the elevator, wanting to get to his apartment as soon as possible. It is a charged ride as he and Eliott are unable to take their eyes off each other, the tension between them only continuing to build. When the elevator doors finally open on his floor, Lucas rushes to his apartment door and unlocks it quickly, stuttering in the motion for a moment when Eliott’s hands go to his hips and he molds his body against Lucas’s back, beginning to mouth at the side of his neck. 

Once inside, Eliott barely waits until the door closes behind him before he is pushing Lucas up against the wall, crowding up against him, and leaning down to press his lips against Lucas’s own. 

And that...that is unlike anything Lucas has ever felt with another guy before. Eliott’s lips are soft, with the perfect amount of wetness as they move against him. Lucas reaches his arms up to wrap them around Eliott’s neck and buries one hand in Eliott’s messy hair. Lucas can feel a rush of sensation radiate out from his lips to the rest of his body as they continue kissing, Lucas opening his mouth after a minute to let Eliott deepen it and turn it dirtier. 

Lucas loses track of time while they kiss, so caught up in the feelings rushing through him. He has never experienced kissing being so enjoyable, something to savor rather than a quick pitstop before rushing to sex as soon as possible. As they kiss, Eliott’s hands travel all over Lucas’s body- from his hips, up his back before one finally settles on his face, his thumb stroking his cheek as they kiss. And something about the gentleness of that action just makes Lucas feel...cherished. There is sexual energy thrumming between them, yes, but something about the way Eliott is touching him is tender and in direct contrast to how frenzied and passionate their kissing is. 

After an indeterminate length of time- it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, Lucas could never have discerned the difference at that moment- Eliott’s hands move again until they are dancing at the hem of Lucas’s shirt and then going under the material. His hands smooth over Lucas’s abs and the feeling of skin against skin makes Lucas moan and arch his body closer into Eliott’s own. Eliott groans against Lucas’s lips in response, moving his hands back to the hem of the shirt to grab it and pull the shirt up the length of Lucas’s body until Lucas reluctantly stops kissing Eliott long enough to take it off. 

And Lucas wants to return to kissing Eliott as soon as possible, he really does. But that small taste of skin against skin has him craving the feeling even more, so he reaches out and eagerly grabs Eliott’s own shirt and starts pulling it up, feeling his mouth water as creamy pale skin spread across hard muscles is slowly revealed to him. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot.” Lucas groans as Eliott finishes removing his shirt and tosses it to the side. Lucas then reaches forward and pulls Eliott back into a kiss with him, letting out another moan at the feeling of Eliott’s bare chest against his own. And it is just _a lot_ : Eliott’s soft lips kissing him, his sweet tongue in Lucas’s mouth, and his warm skin is pressed against him. 

Lucas lets his hands move from where they are wound through Eliott’s hair down to his back, appreciating the feeling of the muscles against his fingers. Eliott is muscular, but not too much so: it is all lean muscles that felt and looked delicious, but not to the point of looking overdone or unnatural. It really is unfair how many boxes Eliott checked off for the exact type of guy that Lucas is into. 

Once their shirts are off, things grow more heated. Lucas begins to feel that familiar desperation take over his body and he loops a finger through Eliott’s belt loop and tugs on it, pulling away from Eliott long enough to mutter, “My bedroom. Come on.” 

Lucas starts walking backward down his hallway in the direction of his bedroom, trying to keep his eyes open so he doesn’t end up crashing into a wall. However, this task is made difficult with Eliott leaning down and trailing kisses over his neck as he squeezes at Lucas’s hips suggestively. Lucas is beginning to feel a bit out of his mind with lust and is relieved when they finally arrive at his bedroom and he is able to collapse back onto his bed, pulling Eliott with him. 

They land with an _oof_ , Eliott throwing his hands out to each side of Lucas to keep from falling on him. Lucas giggles for a moment for no reason other than that he is _happy_ \- really, truly happy- something he hasn’t felt in too long. Eliott smiles at him and leans down to gently rub the tips of their noses together. Lucas feels his breath catch in his throat at the tenderness of the moment.

“You’re so cute.” Eliottsoftly says. 

There is too much emotion running through Lucas for him to form a proper reply so instead, he simply reaches up and pulls Eliott down towards him, searing their lips together in a kiss once more. After that, things progress rapidly: Lucas blindly reaches down for the button on Eliott’s pants, pushing them and Eliott’s underwear down as far as he could reach until Eliott pushes them off the rest of the way, letting them fall to the floor. Lucas’s own pants and underwear soon follow and before he knows it, Eliott is sinking into him and Lucas’s breath is catching at how it all feels like so _much_ , but in the best way possible. 

As they have sex, Lucas loses track of time, instead losing himself in Eliott and the feeling of what it is like to be with him. They continue kissing throughout it and in the distant back part of his hand, Lucas thinks that this is probably the most kissing he has ever done with a hookup. Usually the guys he hooked up seemed to want to keep the kissing to a minimum and get to the actual sex (and quick after hookup exit) as soon as possible. Eliott seems to be the exact opposite of this, only stopping their kissing to catch his breath or to whisper compliments that ranged from both dirty ( _“fuck, you’re so tight”)_ to sweet ( _“god, you’re fucking beautiful”)._

All too soon, Lucas feels the familiar feeling of pleasure and pressure begin to build throughout his body and he breaks a kiss with Eliott to throw his head back and let out a moan as he scrapes his fingernails down Eliott’s back. “Fuck. Fuck. Eliott-I’m-” 

Lucas is unable to speak anymore, too caught up in the pleasure coursing through him, but Eliott is able to understand anyway, speeding up both his thrusts into Lucas’s body and his hand on Lucas. It is good, it is so good, but it isn’t until Eliott latches his mouth to the sensitive spot just behind his ear that Lucas reaches his release, letting it overtake him. Distantly through the haze of his own orgasm, Lucas can hear Eliott reach his own as he shudders above him. 

As Lucas comes down from his high and is laying in bliss on his bed, he distantly registers Eliott getting up to throw the condom away in the small trash can sitting by his desk. Afterward, Eliott pulls on his boxer briefs but then he stands there awkwardly, and when Lucas notices that Eliott isn’t looking for the rest of his clothes to put them back on as well, his heart flutters as he realizes. Eliott wants to _stay._ He wants to stay the night with Lucas, he doesn’t want to immediately leave and never see Lucas again. 

Seeing that Eliott clearly needs assurance about this, Lucas breathily says “Lay down, you don’t have to go.” 

Eliott smiles and Lucas feels his heart skip a beat just like it had the first time he had seen it. He had just had sex with Eliott, but suddenly he realizes he wants Eliott again. He needs to touch him again, to kiss him again, to be with him again. Lucas blames this feeling for why he cuddles up next to Eliott with no shame once Eliott settles himself back on the bed next to Lucas. However, Lucas can’t be bothered to be insecure about his clinginess when Eliott’s only reaction is to let out a content sigh, wrap his arm around Lucas’s back, and pull Lucas closer. Lucas feels content and warm and despite his intentions to have sex with Eliott again before the night is up, he is soon drifting off to sleep in Eliott’s arms. 

_______________________

The next morning, Lucas wakes up still laying on Eliott’s chest and in his arms with the same warm and content feeling he had when he had fallen asleep. Once he becomes awake enough to be aware of his surroundings, Lucas smiles to himself and burrows closer to Eliott’s skin, letting out a deep sigh of pure happiness. 

Lucas allows himself to bask in the feeling a bit, just enjoying the smell and feel of Eliott before his full bladder becomes too insistent to ignore. Reluctantly, Lucas extracts himself from Eliott’s arms and sits up. He then takes a moment to admire Eliott’s face, relaxed in sleep and as beautiful as it had been the previous night before getting up and going to use the bathroom. 

Once he uses the bathroom and brushes his teeth, Lucas heads into his kitchen and starts a pot of coffee. Once it has finished brewing, Lucas pours some into two mugs, adding some cream and sugar to his before carrying both cups into his bedroom. He is pleased to see that Eliott is now awake, rubbing at his eyes as he sits up and leans against Lucas’s pillows. 

“You’re up,” Lucas says, sitting down on his bed and handing one of the mugs to Eliott. Eliott takes it with a grateful smile at him. “I have cream and sugar in the kitchen if you want.” 

“No, this is fine, don’t worry.” Eliott replies as he takes a long sip and lets out a happy sigh. 

“Did you sleep okay?” 

Eliott looks over as Lucas pulls his legs up to lay fully on the bed next to him. Eliott raises his eyebrows in suggestion at Lucas’s questions and Lucas feels himself flush a bit at the implications. “Yeah. I slept really well. Always helps when there’s a hot guy sleeping next to me.”

Lucas tries to play it cool, but he knows that he is failing judging by Eliott’s smirk. “Oh? Well, that’s good to know.” 

“Mhm.” Eliott hums, setting his coffee mug on the nightstand by the table before he leans over to kiss Lucas. Lucas sinks into it and opens his mouth to deepen it a bit, surprised when this makes Eliott pull back. 

“Did you brush your teeth?” Eliott asks, still close enough that Lucas can feel his warm breath on his lips. 

“Yeah…? Is that a problem?” Lucas questions, confused. 

“Just seems a little unfair that your breath is all minty and fresh while mine probably tastes like stale beer.” 

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Your breath is fine, don’t worry.” He pulls Eliott back into another kiss before Eliott can complain again.

After a few minutes, Eliott pulls away. “God, kissing you is so amazing.”

And these words… these words are too much for Lucas to handle right now. How can Eliott be so open about his attraction, how does he feel no embarrassment about speaking those words? So in response to the feelings flowing through his body at Eliott’s raw honesty, Lucas moves swiftly, straddling Eliott’s hips before leaning down and kissing him again, wrapping his arms around his neck and letting himself sink into the feeling once more. It is as good as it had been last night. How can it still be so good? 

After they have made out for a while, Eliott pulls back and squeezes Lucas’s hips. “Wait, wait. Up for a second. I need to show you something.”

“What?” Lucas asks as Eliott maneuvers him off his lap. He can’t see what is so urgent to interrupt their kissing. He wants to continue the kissing. 

“Just one second!” Eliott replies, getting up and moving to the end of Lucas’s bed, picking up his pants from where they had been tossed aside the previous night. “It’s in my pocket, you’ll see.” 

Lucas watches as Eliott pulls something small and black out of one of the pockets. He can’t tell what it is at first, not until Eliott climbs back onto the bed. It’s a tape recorder- but that doesn’t lessen Lucas’s confusion anymore. “What the hell? Why do you have a tape recorder? Who even has a tape recorder anymore?”

Ignoring Lucas’s question, Eliott presses record and reaches the tape recorder out towards Lucas. “So, Lucas, what did you think when you first saw me?”

“Again- what the hell?”

Eliott presses the stop button so it stops recording. “I guess I should explain at least a little bit. This is for a project I’m working on, I ask everyone I hook up with to answer these questions.” 

Eliott’s answer didn’t lessen Lucas’s confusion. “And why do you do that?” 

“I’ll explain more later, I promise. But for it to be authentic, you really need to answer the questions without having the explanation of why, I’m sorry.”

Lucas is still skeptical but he is powerless when faced with Eliott’s pleading face, complete with pouting lips and big eyes. Eliott is entirely too pretty for his own good. Lucas sighs before speaking again. “Fine.”

Eliott lets out a happy squeal before pressing the record button on his tape recorder again. “So, let’s try this again- what did you think when you first saw me?”

“Well…” Lucas bites his lip. He feels uncomfortable. He is comfortable being gay, he is. But so openly talking about his attraction to men still feels weird sometimes. “I thought you were attractive.”

Speaking those words out loud sends a thrill through Lucas as they aren’t something he commonly voices about other men, but they don't seem to satisfy Eliott, as Eliott presses him for more. “And? What else did you think?”

“I thought that I needed to speak to you right away, that there was something in me reaching out to you. But then you disappeared.” 

Eliott laughs. “You aren’t going to let that go, are you?”

“Who eyefucks someone from across a club then just walks away like that?!”

“I told you, I had to pee!”

Lucas rolls his eyes as Eliott continues to giggle. “Yeah, yeah, sure.”

When Eliott stops laughing, he speaks again. “So then...the second time. When you were with that other guy. What did you think then?”

“Same as before, except I couldn’t believe that I was actually seeing you again. I thought you must have left the club or been with someone else by then.”

At this, Eliott scoffs. “No way I would have been with someone else after seeing you. Once I saw you, you were all I could see.”

Eliott speaks the words openly with no shyness. Like the words he spoke are just casual everyday words, like they aren’t causing Lucas’s heart to beat double time in his chest. Like they aren’t some of the most romantic words Lucas has ever heard in his entire life. Like they aren’t the type of words you shouldn’t be saying to a simple hookup, to someone you had only met about twelve hours ago. 

“Wha..” Lucas tries to speak, but words will not come to him right now. 

Sensing Lucas’s internal struggle, Eliott smiles and gives Lucas’s leg a playful shove. “Guess I can’t say the same for you, huh? Couldn’t believe it when I finally found you again only to see that guy latched on to your neck!”

Lucas laughs, grateful for the return to levity in the conversation. “Hey! You can’t blame me! You were standing there, looking like _that_ and had stared at me like _that_ only to disappear! If you weren’t going to satisfy me after getting me all riled up, someone else was just gonna have to do.” 

“Satisfy you, huh?” Eliott says. Lucas swallows at the deepness of Eliott’s voice and the intense way Eliott is now looking at him. Who looks at people like that- like they can see right through their soul? It’s ridiculous, that’s what it is. Certainly not attractive at all, nope.

“Yeah.” Lucas replies breathlessly.

“And did I do that- satisfy you?”

Lucas suppresses a moan. Eliott’s voice really has no right being as sexy as it is. “Yeah.” He says again, knowing he sounds like a broken record but unable to say anymore. 

Eliott darts his tongue out to lick his lips and Lucas’s eyes flick down to the motion. “Good.” 

Lucas can’t hold back anymore. He leans forward and flips Eliott onto his back, not even bothering to wait until he is fully straddling him to start kissing him again. Eliott moans and returns Lucas’s kisses, simultaneously moving his hands down to grab Lucas’s ass. Lucas groans in response and scrapes his nails down Eliott’s chest.

Rather than kissing for a long time like the prior night, things go fast this time- within a few minutes, Eliott is tugging at the band of Lucas’s underwear until Lucas lifts himself up enough to awkwardly shimmy out of them. Then, Lucas is pushing down Eliott’s underwear just enough to allow Lucas to sink back down on to him. They both moan at the feeling of being together like this once more and Lucas throws his head back, savoring the feeling before he begins moving and allows himself to get lost in Eliott again.

The tape recorder can wait.

__________

After, Lucas finds himself in Eliott’s arms again, his head now laying on Eliott’s shoulder, feeling sleepy and happy as Eliott’s thumb strokes back and forth over his skin. 

“Are you out?”

Lucas’s eyes snap open at Eliott’s question. “What?” 

“Are you out?” Eliott repeats. 

“Yeah, I’m out.” Lucas says softly, feeling a pit beginning to form in his stomach.

“Really?” Eliott asks. “Why does it sound like you’re trying to convince yourself that it’s true?”

At that, Lucas pulls back to look Eliott in the face. “No, I’m out. I’m out to my friends, they all know.”

“But are you out to everyone?”

Lucas feels that familiar defensiveness again, the same feeling he always has when he talks to his friend Mika about this and Mika tries to tell him that going to Pride wasn’t something to be ashamed about, that being loud about his sexuality was something to be proud of, something that should be a source of pride and not embarrassment.

“Why do I need to be out to everyone? My friends know, that’s good enough.” Lucas knows his tone is a little more hostile than necessary, but Eliott just continues to look at him, not seeming to be offended. 

“And what about your family?” Eliott questions. 

Lucas swallows. “What about them?”

Eliott is quiet for a moment, his eyes searching Lucas’s own. Lucas feels exposed- like Eliott is seeing something in Lucas that Lucas doesn’t see himself, something that he doesn’t _want_ to see. Stupid Eliott and his stupid intense eyes.

“Okay.” Eliott replies, seeming willing to move on from the subject.

“Not everyone wants to be yelling their sexuality everywhere they go, you know?” Lucas doesn’t know why he is still speaking, why he feels a need to defend himself over something that he is arguing wasn’t a big deal. “That doesn’t mean anything.” 

And now, Lucas can feel the bite in his words, the anger seeping through. But rather than get angry himself, Eliott reaches out to cup Lucas’s face, rubbing a thumb over his cheek in a gesture meant to soothe. 

“Lucas, it’s okay.” Eliott says softly. “You’re right, it’s perfectly okay to be as out about your sexuality as you want to be. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push.”

Lucas still feels too raw to speak again. He simply nods and in response, Eliott smiles and leans in to kiss him again. Lucas closes his eyes as they kiss, trying to quiet that small pit of shame that can still be felt in his stomach. 

He is fine not being so open about his sexuality. He is fine not going to Pride, at not wanting to be affectionate with other men in public. Despite what Eliott thinks, what Mika tells him, what the back of his mind screams at him in moments like this. He is fine with it. He is.

__________

“Sorry I have to work,” Lucas says as he leads Eliott to the door of his apartment an hour or so later. “It’s just with rent and tuition and books for university, I have to pick up any shift that I get offered.”

“It’s fine, Lucas.” Eliott replies from where he is bent down tying his shoes. “I get it, work is important.”

“Yeah, well, it definitely pays the bills. But it seems _really_ inconvenient in times like this.” Lucas looks down to pick at his cuticle, not knowing why the thought of Eliott leaving makes him feel so adrift.

With his shoes now tied, Eliott stands up to his full height and smiles at Lucas. “Well, I had a great time with you.” 

Lucas’s throat suddenly feels tight. This is stupid- _he’s_ stupid. He knew what this was last night, they both knew. It was a simple hookup, a fleeting sexual encounter with no feelings beyond the physical. There was no reason that he should feel so clingy right now, like he should grab on to Eliott and refuse to let him leave. Rather than voice these thoughts, Lucas forces himself to smile, hoping that Eliott can’t see how it is probably a bit strained at the edges. 

“I had a great time with you too.” Lucas replies softly. 

And Lucas can’t control himself, he has to lean up and pull Eliott down for another kiss. He closes his eyes and allows himself to focus on nothing more than this moment right here: the feel of Eliott’s lips against his- still new but somehow still familiar to him- and the feel of Eliott’s fingers softly stroking his jaw from where his hands had come up to hold Lucas’s face. However, despite Lucas’s best wishes to live in this moment forever, Eliott pulls back after a few minutes of tender kissing. 

“I gotta go now, I’m sorry. My friends are expecting me.”

Lucas’s heart drops, but he nods and pulls the door open for Eliott, watching as Eliott walks by him into the hallway and turns around to face Lucas again. Right then, Lucas sees Eloise, his neighbor across the hall, emerge from her own apartment with her boyfriend Max and walk to the elevator.

Eliott speaks again. “I should go catch the elevator with them, I guess. Bye, Lucas.” He leans in to give Lucas a goodbye kiss and without even consciously realizing he is doing it, Lucas is jerking back out of reach. Eliott pulls back, looking at Lucas in surprise. Flushed with embarrassment at his reaction, Lucas reaches out his hand for Eliott to shake. 

“Bye, Eliott.”

Eliott looks down at Lucas’s hand for a moment then back at the couple still waiting in front of the elevator. Lucas can see they are now kissing- openly, freely, without having to have any fear of how others may react. Eliott nods, seeming to reach an understanding before he turns back to Lucas with his eyebrows raised. Lucas feels himself flush even deeper but stubbornly keeps his hand out and nearly breathes a sigh of relief when Eliott finally reaches out and shakes it with his own hand. 

“Bye, Lucas.” he quietly says, letting his fingertips brush against Lucas’s palm as he pulls away. 

With that, Eliott heads down the hallway towards the elevator. Lucas watches him go for a moment before turning around to go back into his apartment and shutting the door. He leans against it for a moment, letting out a deep breath, trying to calm his heart down from where it was still fluttering in his chest. He doesn’t know how, but he feels like something in his life had just shifted. 


	2. saturday afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eliott and lucas meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/tw: anxiety attack, drug usage (marijuana), mention of what happened to fifi, mention of mental illness and their symptoms, such as manic episodes, and mentions of possible religious-based homophobia

“Yeah, man, she was moaning and screaming for more so loud that my neighbors had to come over and ask us to quiet down!” 

Lucas rolls his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh. Charles Munier is the son of the man who owns the chain of coffee shops where he works and is always in the shop presumably to “check on things.” Instead, these trips to the shop usually involve being loud, obnoxious, and crude about whatever poor female he last had sex with. He is currently talking about his latest conquest with Lucas’s coworker Alex, who was actually a good guy to talk and work with when Charles isn’t around. 

“Yeah, definitely some of the best pussy I have ever had.” Charles laughs, not seeming to notice how a woman waiting for her coffee glances over at him in disgust. Lucas grits his teeth, knowing that saying anything to Charles would only result in him losing his job and he can’t afford to have that happen. Knowing that he is powerless at this moment, Lucas glances around the shop, trying to find anything interesting to distract him from the conversation going on next to him. 

As he looks around, Lucas’s eyes catch on something that immediately grabs his attention. There are two guys sitting at a table together- sitting so close that they are nearly in each other’s laps, their sides pressed together from shoulders to hips and one of the guy’s arms around the other’s shoulders. Everything about them screams intimacy- from the soft look in their eyes as they look at each other and the casual touches on hands and knees. They are so open about their love- so comfortable with who they are and with what they feel for each other. Lucas feels his heart ache at the sight and a familiar sense of longing shoots through him. 

“Lucas? You work here?” 

Lucas jerks upright from where he was leaning against the counter and his eyes snap forward once again. Is that...and yes, there Eliott is- standing in front of the cash register smiling brightly and somehow looking even more beautiful than Lucas had remembered. Lucas feels a smile spread across his own lips in automatic response at the sight of him. 

“Eliott? What are you doing here?” 

“I come here all the time, my friend Idriss lives nearby. Never seen you here before though.” 

“Idriss?” Lucas’s eyebrows furrow together for a moment. “My friend Imane has a brother named Idriss and I am pretty sure he lives around here- is your friend named Idriss Bakhellal by chance?” 

Eliott’s eyes widen. “Yeah, that’s him! Wow, small world. He’s been my best friend for years now. So, how long have you worked here? I definitely haven’t seen you here before and I’m sure I would remember if I had.”

“I’ve been here a little over a year now.”

“Oh wow. I legit come here multiple times a week, I really can’t believe I’ve never seen you here before. That’s wild.” 

Lucas can’t help but to agree with this. They both knew Idriss- had known him for years- and Eliott came to the place where he worked all the time, yet it took a random encounter in a club for them to meet. He’s glad he finally did meet Eliott, but it seems monumentally unfair he hadn’t met him much sooner- that it had taken this long. However, before he can voice his agreement, another much less welcome voice cuts in from his side. 

“Lucas, what’s going on here? We pay you to work, not to have conversations with your friends on the clock.” Charles says, an unpleasant curl on his lips as he looks between Lucas and Eliott. His gaze is appraising in a way that Lucas _really_ doesn’t like.

Lucas digs his fingernails into his palm to bite back the words he really wants to say. Fucking Charles. He can distract Alex all he wants with loud stories about sex, but let Lucas talk to someone for a few minutes and then he suddenly is all about professionalism. “Of course, Charles. I’m sorry. What can I get for you, Eliott?” 

Eliott looks between Charles and Lucas for a moment before answering. “Just a vanilla latte, please.”

Lucas rings up the order and takes Eliott’s money after he gives him the total, passing back his change when he’s done. Looking satisfied, Charles wanders off again, this time approaching the office in the back part of the store to seemingly bother the poor manager now. After he walks off, Lucas’s coworker Jo comes up to him. “Go on, make the coffee for your friend. I’ll watch the cash register for now.”

Lucas knew he was smart in liking Jo from the very start. He always _did_ have good taste. “Thanks, Jo.” He gives her a grateful smile and walks to the side to start making Eliott’s order. Eliott steps to the side as well, watching as Lucas works. 

“So, I take it that was your manager or something then? He seemed like a dick.” 

Lucas laughs. “No, it’s even worse- his dad owns this shop. But yeah, he isn’t the most pleasant guy to be around for sure.” 

“Oh shit, I hope I didn’t get you in trouble or anything.” Eliott actually looks contrite, which Lucas finds adorable. Only Eliott would feel bad when he didn’t even do anything wrong. 

“No, Eliott, it’s fine. He’s always like that, don’t worry. You should just feel lucky you missed the loud storytelling about the great sex he evidently had last night.” 

At this, Eliott smirks. “Great sex, huh? I had some of that myself last night.” 

Lucas blushes and surreptitiously looks over at Jo. She isn’t paying them any attention, looking down at her cell phone that she has hidden behind the cash register and out of the view of customers. Feeling comforted that Jo isn’t listening in on their conversation, Lucas looks back at Eliott and bites his lip, noticing as Eliott’s eyes track the moment. “Oh, really? Good to know.” He fiddles with the stack of to-go sleeves near him, feeling both nervous and aroused as his mind flashes back to his time with Eliott. This is really _not_ the place to be thinking about those particular memories, not if he didn’t want to embarass himself by growing hard in front of his coworkers. 

“Mmhmm.” Eliott is still smirking and _god,_ Lucas should not find that as sexy as he does. “ So….on a totally unrelated note, when are you off?”

Lucas puts Eliott’s cappuccino on the counter for him and looks at the clock hanging up in the shop. “About an hour from now.”

“Do you have any interest in hanging out again?” 

Lucas feels floored. Eliott wants to hang out with him again? In Lucas’s experience, guys got tired of him once they had the one night with him, once they had gotten what they wanted from him. Guys didn’t want to see him again- not when the reality of the next day came in. How could it be that Eliott- amazing and beautiful _Eliott-_ was the exception to this?

Misunderstanding the lingering silence and look on Lucas’s face and, Eliott speaks again, sounding flustered. “I mean- you don’t have to, I get it.” Here, Eliott looks over at Jo and lowers his voice so only Lucas can hear him. “I get what it was. But...I just had a great time with you and would love to spend more time with you. If-if that’s something you would be interested in too, of course. If that’s something you would want.”

“Eliott, relax.” Lucas laughs, feeling happiness rush through him at Eliott’s nervous demeanor. Lucas wasn’t used to making pretty boys nervous, to have them show such blatant interest. It feels extraordinary that he has this effect on Eliott of all guys. “I’m definitely interested, I’d love to hang out with you again. Do you just want to come back when my shift is done and we can head out then?”

At these words, Eliott’s cheeks take on a pink tinge and a small pleased smile forms on his lips. Lucas is captivated by the sight and how it only makes Eliott look even prettier. “No, no. I’ll just wait here, if that’s okay? I brought my backpack so I have things I can do while I wait for you.”

“Yeah, of course that’s fine. I better get back to the register before Charles comes out again, though. I really don’t want to deal with him being a dick again.”

“Of course, of course. I’ll just- I’ll just go sit down and wait then.” Eliott gives another nod and then grabs his cappuccino off the counter before wandering off to a table in the corner, not far from where the couple Lucas had noticed earlier was still sitting. 

Lucas holds back another giddy laugh as he walks back to the cash register and thanks Jo again for covering for him. Just this morning, he was ready to accept that Eliott was destined to be another one night stand that he would never see again and now….now, he was going to get to be with Eliott once more. And it wasn’t even only the sex Lucas is excited about, though that was amazing too. There is just something about being in Eliott’s presence, something about talking with Eliott and having Eliott hold him in his arms that simply feels right in a way like nothing ever had for Lucas before. It seems like luck is finally on Lucas’s side for once. 

The rest of Lucas’s shift goes by in a distracted haze. He spends most of it staring at Eliott- watching how focused Eliott looks while his hands move across the notebook in front of him. Lucas is just able to make out a drawing and he flushes as he remembers how those hands had felt on his body the previous night, the things those long fingers had done to him. The rest of the time- the time he is actually helping customers- he can feel Eliott’s eyes on him. And that- being the focus of Eliott’s attention- that gives Lucas such a rush that he knows he probably has a dopey smile on his face for the rest of his shift. Oh well, at least Charles can’t try to accuse him of not exhibiting proper customer service skills. 

Once Lucas’s coworker comes to relieve him at the end of his shift, Lucas practically runs to the back area of the shop to clock out and drop his apron in his locker, still feeling giddy with happiness. He takes a deep measured breath before walking back out to meet Eliott, not wanting to seem overly eager and potentially scare him away. However, as he approaches Eliott’s table, he notices that Eliott has already packed up his things and is grinning at Lucas as he gets closer- a big goofy grin that makes Lucas feel silly for ever worrying about appearing too eager, too much. 

“So, are you ready to get out of here?” Lucas tries to maintain a casual tone, though he’s sure he fails. “You want to go back to my place again?”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.” Eliott turns around and leads the way out of the coffee shop, stopping to hold the door open for Lucas and allowing him to pass through first. Once outside, Eliott approaches a nearby bike rack and begins to unlock a bike from it. 

“Really? A bike? You don’t use public transit like most people do in Paris?” Lucas asks, feeling himself strangely endeared by this. 

Eliott looks up from where he is unwinding the lock from his bike and sticking it in the backpack he was carrying. “No, I do. Most of the time. Sometimes it’s just nice to ride around though, you know? Get in the fresh air, allow myself to think more and see the city better. It’s a nice change of pace every once in a while.”

Lucas nods. “Yeah, I can see that. Sorry though- I don’t have a bike so it’s either walk it back to my place or get it on a bus. Which do you want to do?” 

“I can walk with it, it’s fine.” Eliott replies, pulling the bike back from the rack and walking with it up to Lucas. “It’s a nice day out, let’s not waste it on a stuffy overcrowded bus.” 

“All right, sounds like a plan. Let’s head out then.” Lucas says, turning and beginning to head in the direction of his apartment and motioning for Eliott to follow. Eliott matches his pace to Lucas, pushing his bike alongside him as they go. 

“So...are you into art, then?” Lucas asks, making a nodding motion towards Eliott’s backpack where his notebook is now safely enclosed. “I saw you drawing back there in the cafe.”

“Yeah, I love it. I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember, it’s always been such a huge outlet for me. Whenever I’m happy, sad, stressed....whatever it may be, art is what I turn to. I don’t know what I would do without it, honestly.”

Lucas is a bit stunned by the passion in Eliott’s words. “Wow, that sounds amazing. I wish I had something like that.”

“Not big into art?”

“No, I am.” Lucas denies, not wanting Eliott to think he was someone who didn’t appreciate something Eliott clearly loves. “Art is great and all, it’s really something to see the things people can create. I just meant that my own art skills haven’t really evolved from where they were when I was five.” 

Eliott laughs. “So, what are you into then? What’s your passion?”

Lucas bites his lip. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels shy about this- it is just that it’s something he doesn’t really talk about often. “Well...the stars, I guess.” He replies, not looking at Eliott in case Eliott made a weird face about it like others had done in the past.

“The stars?” There is no judgment in Eliott’s voice, only curiosity. And that calms something within Lucas and gives him the courage to go into more detail. He looks up, making eye contact with Eliott again.

“Yeah. Like, astronomy. You know, learning about constellations, planets, other galaxies? It’s always fascinated me- like how our own problems and own lives can seem so big and overwhelming to us but really, in the grand scheme of the universe we are just these tiny insignificant things.”

“I don’t know,” Eliott frowns, an unreadable look on his life. “Seems kinda lonely to me- like we don’t matter, like we could just cease to exist and nothing would matter or change.”

“That’s not true,” Lucas denies. “Not at all. It’s the juxtaposition of it that’s really interesting to me- although we are objectively just these tiny specks in the universe, all of us still have an important part to play- not only in the world, but to each other. It’s like the butterfly effect, you know? Even a small change in the system can have a huge impact.”

Eliott’s frown disappears and the curious look returns. “Like what?”

“Like...us meeting. Seemingly this small random event, but the impact of that event had an effect on both of us and will continue to have ripples on our lives for good, even on the lives of those around us. It may not be clear to us now what those effects are and will be, but looking back in the future, we should be able to see how it helped shape us and how it impacted our lives, you know?”

“And the impact of this event on the universe at large?” Eliott is looking at Lucas with a soft look in his eyes now, his lips curving at the ends in a suggestion of a smile. Lucas feels his breath catch and as he often does in moments of feeling vulnerable, he decides to cover it up with a joke. 

“Well, if we had never met, the universe obviously would cease to exist as we know it.”

Eliott laughs, a full smile now taking over his face. “Obviously. But no, Lucas- the way you think, the way you spoke about that is so intriguing. I love the way your mind works.” 

Lucas blushes at the compliment. “Well, it’s nothing like your art, but yeah…that’s the stuff I’m into, what I’m passionate about.”

Eliott hums, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Who knew I had hooked up with such a nerd last night?” 

“Hey!” Lucas laughs, giving Eliott a flirtatious push. “I’m not a nerd!”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing!” Eliott giggles as he straightens himself from where Lucas had knocked him a bit off-kilter with the push. “It’s hot!” 

Lucas pouts, sticking his lip out in a way he knows makes him look like a child who has just been told they can’t get candy at a store. “Stop teasing me.” 

“I’m not, I swear I’m not.” Eliott’s face gets serious. “I mean it, I really think it’s attractive- the way you speak about things, the way you look when you talk about things that clearly interest you. It really makes you even hotter than you already are.” 

“Well…okay.” Lucas is at a loss for words, unable to speak anymore than those two words. He really isn’t used to compliments like this, especially not from a guy he’s been with. It is such a foreign experience that he doesn’t know how to react.

“So….have you ever been to America?” 

Lucas feels a little thrown off balance- where did this sudden change in subject come from? And why such a random question? “Um...no, no I haven’t. I always thought it would be cool to go, but haven’t had the chance yet. How about you?”

“Nah, I haven’t either. Not yet.” Eliott looks down at the ground and Lucas is confused by why the mood has seemingly shifted so fast from happy flirtation to something more somber. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asks, trying to figure out what is going on and wanting to offer Eliott comfort. 

Eliott glances up and Lucas can see as a veil closes back over his face, hiding the turbulent emotions that were just there. “I’m fine. Hop on.” 

“What?”

Eliott straddles his bike and scoots forward, patting the available seat cushion behind him. “Come on, get on.”

“Eliott, no. There’s not enough room for both of us.”

“Lucas.” Eliott levels Lucas with a serious look and Lucas finds himself captivated by Eliott’s eyes- again with their annoying intensity making Lucas want to listen to Eliott’s every word. “Come on, get on.” 

Lucas releases a deep aggrieved sigh as he also straddles the bike and sits down on its seat. “Fine, I’m on. What now?” 

“Hold on to my waist.” Eliott says, looking behind him at Lucas. Lucas does as Eliott asks, knowing there’s no point in fighting it at this point. “Good. Make sure to hold on tight. Because now...we ride.”

With that, Eliott takes a few steps to either side of the bike to gain some momentum before he takes his feet off of the ground and begins pedaling. Lucas lets out a squeal at the unsteadiness of the beginning of the ride and squeezes Eliott’s waist tighter, turning his head to the side and resting his cheek against Eliott’s back. Eliott laughs. “You okay back there?”

“Fuck you, I’m fine!” 

Eliott only laughs again despite Lucas’s indignant response and Lucas can’t help it, he laughs too. Eliott’s joy is infectious and besides, he just feels happy. Happy to be here, riding on a bike through the streets of Paris while holding Eliott. Happy to have found Eliott again. Just happy in general. Lucas feels like he is where he is meant to be- finally.

Within a few minutes, they are approaching Lucas’s apartment building and Lucas almost feels disappointed that the ride has come to an end. As Eliott slows to a stop, Lucas releases his grip on him and gets off the bike, watching as Eliott wheels his bike over a nearby rack and locks it once more. Once Eliott is done, they both make their way into the building and up to Lucas’s place. 

“You hungry?” Lucas asks as they walk through the door, Eliott dropping his backpack on the floor behind them. “I’m going to make some lunch if you’re interested.” 

“Yeah, I could go for some food.” Eliott says, pulling out a chair at the tiny kitchen table and sitting down. 

“Sandwiches okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Eliott replies, looking up from where he is now scrolling through his phone. “I just don’t eat meat though, so do you have peanut butter or something instead?”

“You don’t eat meat?” Lucas opens a cabinet, pulling out a small jar of peanut butter and showing it to Eliott. 

“Nah, not for about six months now.” 

Lucas pulls out two plates and grabs the bread from where it’s sitting on the counter. “Is there a reason why?”

Eliott is silent for a moment, causing Lucas to look over at him in question. To his surprise, Eliott is pulling at his bottom lip as a blush forms on his cheeks. “Well….there was a rabbit.” 

And...what? “A rabbit?” 

“Yes. A rabbit. Her name was Fifi.”

“Okay…” Lucas is still confused as he spreads peanut butter over the bread. “What about Fifi?”

“She died.” Eliott says quietly and Lucas abruptly pauses his sandwich making efforts to look over at Eliott. 

“Oh, fuck. Eliott, I’m sorry.”

Eliott shrugs. “Yeah. I met her at a friend’s farm over spring break and immediately fell in love with her. I had my heart set on taking her home but instead….instead, she ended up on the dinner table that night.” 

“Fuck, that’s awful. I’m sorry you went through that.” 

“Yeah, after that I couldn’t really look at meat the same ever again. So, I gave it up and haven’t regretted it since.”

“Damn. Well, I can definitely understand that.” Lucas turns back to the sandwiches, putting the finishing touches on them before carefully cutting them in half. He grabs a bag of chips and carries it, two bottles of water, and the plates holding the sandwiches over to the kitchen table, placing it all in front of Eliott.

“Fuck, these look good.” 

“All right, calm down now. They’re just peanut butter sandwiches with some chips on the side, nothing special.” 

“Wrong. They’re peanut butter sandwiches made by _you_ ,” Eliott replies as he pops a chip into his mouth. “That automatically makes them special.” 

Lucas rolls his eyes despite feeling warmth spark through him at the comment. “Cheesy.” 

“Maybe, but it’s still true.” 

“All right, all right, enough of that.” Lucas hides his smile behind a bite of his sandwich. “I have a question for you.”

“What is it?”

“That tape recorder. You didn’t really get a chance to tell me what they’re for before we...before we got distracted.” Lucas says, blushing as he remembered what _exactly_ it was that had distracted him and Eliott. 

“Oh yeah,” Eliott takes a sip of his water. “It’s because so many people are uncomfortable talking about sex, you included, and I think that as a society, we should be more comfortable talking about it in general. There’s nothing wrong with it, you know? But somehow, it still embarrasses people.”

“I guess I can see that...but remember that guy at my job? Charles? The dick who interrupted us? He is always loudly talking about the sex he has, going into way too much detail. I could do with him talking about sex a lot _less._ ”

“Is Charles straight?” 

Lucas nods. “Yeah.”

“See, this is another purpose I have for the tapes. I have a theory about this.” 

“A theory? What kind of theory?” 

“Well, I’m pan.” Eliott says, wiping his hands with a napkin. “And I can see a noticeable difference in the way straight girls talk about sex when I present them with the tape recorder after we have hooked up versus how the non-straight guys talk about it.” 

“Can’t part of that maybe be explained by gender, though?” Lucas asks. 

“Sure.” Eliott concedes. “But haven’t you noticed, as someone who isn’t straight either- how straight people talk about sex a lot more than those who aren’t? It’s like as a community, we are embarrassed or ashamed by it or whatever. It shouldn’t be that way.” 

Lucas scrunches his eyebrows together, considering Eliott’s words. “That’s not always true though. You should meet my roommate, Mika. He is always talking about his hookups with other guys to anyone who will listen- he is like the gay version of Charles in that regard.”

Eliott doesn’t appear dissuaded by this counterpoint. “And how do you feel when Mika is talking about the sex he has, especially in public?”

“Well...embarrassed, I guess.”

“See? Even if it’s not us doing the talking, it all leads back to embarrassment. It’s fascinating. I plan on making a project out of exploring these differences and the potential reasons behind them.”

“So, that’s the reason for the tapes then? Just exploring those differences between gender and sexuality and how they influence people’s responses to their hookup with you and the questions you ask them?”

“Kinda. But the tapes aren’t only about that, and they aren’t just about sex either.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well...when you first meet someone and sleep with them, you become a blank canvas, you know? That other person is only starting to form their perception of you- who they think you are. They don’t really know a lot about who you actually are yet. And since you’re a blank canvas, this gives you the opportunity to project on that blank canvas who you want to be. So while you’re doing this projecting, this gap opens between who you really are and who you want to be. And it’s that gap that shows you what is stopping you from being what you really want to be.” 

Lucas considers these words for a moment. “That’s a really interesting way to think about things. And who is that you really want to be- what’s different about the way myself and others have perceived you from who you actually are?”

And here, Eliott looks a bit uncomfortable, reaching up to rub his fingers over his bottom lip again. Lucas goes to reassure him that he doesn’t need to answer that, that he’s sorry if it was too personal a question, but before he can, Eliott speaks. “My mental illness.”

“What?” Lucas grows still, not sure if he had heard Eliott correctly.

Eliott breaks eye contact, looking down to his hands where he has now started to rip apart a napkin into neat little pieces. “My mental illness. I’m...I’m bipolar. I was diagnosed a few years ago in high school. And ever since then, so many people in my life have only seen me as this illness- they’ve forgotten who I was before my diagnosis, the neurotypical Eiott who didn’t need to rely on meds and on therapy to maintain stability. They’ve forgotten that I’m more than my illness, more than my episodes. So these tapes...they’re a way for me to see how people view me without knowing about my mental illness. You and the others, you answered my questions just seeing me as Eliott Demaury, not ‘Eliott the crazy bipolar guy. And that-.” 

“You’re not crazy.” Lucas interrupts, watching as this makes Eliott’s eyes snap back up to him.

“What?”

“I said, you’re not crazy. Having bipolar disorder doesn’t make you crazy, not at all. It just means that you have this chemical imbalance that requires medication. That’s all. And I don’t mean to downplay it or act like it’s not important because I can clearly see how it impacts you, but I don’t want you to think that you’re crazy, or less than others, or someone that deserves judgment because of it. Because that’s not true at all.”

Eliott is looking at Lucas now in a sense of wonder, his mouth slightly dropped open and his eyes big. “Lucas...Lucas, I don’t know what to say.” 

“My mom is schizophrenic- and I’m not saying that to try and say that I can relate to how you feel, because I can’t. Only you can feel how you feel. But I can tell you, my mom is still my mom- the same mom she was before she finally got diagnosed and in treatment. Yes, her life changed because of her diagnosis but she didn’t change into ‘my mom the crazy schizophrenic’ just like you aren’t ‘Eliott the crazy bipolar guy.’ Your illness is part of you, but it’s not all of you. And I am so sorry that you have experienced people only seeing you as your illness. That’s not fair to you, not at all.” 

Eliott remains silent, still staring at Lucas with the same expression of wonder. After a minute or two of this, Lucas squirms in his seat, feeling a little uncomfortable now. He speaks again to break the silence. “Um...anyways, I’m sorry for interrupting you. That was kind of rude. I just hated hearing you call yourself crazy.”

This time, the sound of Lucas’s voice seems to cut through the haze surrounding Eliott. He takes a deep breath before he replies. “Lucas, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I just..I’ve never had someone outside of my close friends and family ever really defend me from myself like that before. I’m not used to that. But it means a lot to me. Really.” 

“I hope it didn’t come across like I was trying to insult your project or whatever. I think it sounds really cool. And even though I can’t exactly relate, I get why you may want to hear what people think about you and who you are without knowing that you’re bipolar. I think…” Now it’s Lucas’s turn to break eye contact as he takes a deep breath of his own to prepare himself for what he wants to say next. “I think that’s why sometimes I don’t tell people I’m gay. Because finding out that I’m gay always inevitably changes how people see me- not always in a bad way. But it gets tiring to be known as ‘Lucas the gay guy’, rather than just who I am outside of my sexuality, you know?”

As he finishes speaking, something in Lucas tells him to look up. So he does and his breath halts at the expression on Eliott’s face. There’s a soft smile there and something indiscernible in his eyes- Lucas can’t put words to it, but something about it fills Lucas with warmth. “I get it.” Eliott replies simply. “We both want to be known for who we are, not just for these traits that only make up part of us, not the whole.”

Feeling inexplicably nervous about the tender turn in their conversation, Lucas again retreats to his familiar defense mechanism and cracks a joke. “But, obviously I couldn’t do this the same way you are- pretty sure any hookup I have is going to at least suspect that I’m gay.”

Eliott laughs and Lucas feels himself smile as the mood lightens with it. “Yeah, I guess so. But it’s just a dumb project anyway, I’m sure no one would come to it.”

“I’d come to it.”

And as Eliott looks at him with that same soft smile on his face, Lucas feels something inside him slot into place. 

______________________

After lunch, Eliott and Lucas migrate to his living room. Lucas goes to his bedroom to grab a bag of weed he has stashed there and before long, him and Eliott are passing a joint back and forth as a show they aren’t really paying attention to plays on the TV. Lucas feels languid and happy, his smiles and laughs coming easy around Eliott like usual. For the first time in a long while, Lucas feels content- just a sense of relaxation, no worries bringing down his mood. It’s almost strange feeling this way after so long, but Lucas allows himself to enjoy it.

“So,” Eliott says as he takes a deep hit off of the joint and then slowly releases the smoke. “I know you’re out to your friends. How about your parents?” 

Unlike that morning when Eliott had asked something similar, Lucas doesn’t feel bothered by the question. Maybe it’s the effect of the joint or maybe it’s simply the way he feels safe around Eliott- like he doesn’t have to worry about being judged- but Lucas answers without any hesitation. “No, I’m not.”

Eliott passes the joint to him and Lucas feels a spark when their fingers brush against each other. “Really? Why not?”

“It’s complicated.” Lucas responds. “My dad...he hasn’t been around since I was 16. At the time, I was still figuring out my sexuality and who I was, so I didn’t really identify as gay yet when he was still around. Since he’s left, I only talk to him twice a year at most and only for a few minutes each time. He doesn’t care to know who I am, so I see no reason to tell him.”

“That’s shitty.” Eliott says and Lucas finds himself letting out a breathy laugh at the blunt reply, taking a hit from the joint before speaking again. 

“Yeah, you could say so. And my mom- I mean, I love my mom, don’t get me wrong. We had our struggles in the past but now things are better than ever. But the thing is, my mom is very religious. She’s always asking me if I have sinned recently, sending me Bible verses, and saying that she’s praying for me. I know that she doesn’t mean anything by it, that religion is simply a source of comfort for her but it just makes me so hesitant to tell her about who I am- that I’m gay. I’ve already lost one parent, I can’t lose another, you know?” 

“Fuck, Lucas. That sucks, I’m sorry.” 

Lucas shrugs, passing the joint back to Eliott. “Yeah. I’ve just accepted it by this point though.”

“Maybe your mom will surprise you? Not everyone who is religious is homophobic. Maybe your mom isn’t either.”

“Maybe. But I don’t want to risk losing her love.”

“That’s hard to imagine.” 

Lucas looks over to Eliott in confusion. “What is?”

“That someone would ever stop loving you. Especially someone as amazing as you are.” Eliott replies softly, his face open with honesty. 

Lucas’s breath catches. Fuck, Eliott really needed to stop talking to him that way if he didn’t want Lucas’s poor heart to go into overdrive. He goes to change the subject, not sure how to respond in a way that didn’t give away how strongly he was beginning to feel for Eliott. “What about you? Are you out to your parents?” 

“Yup. Came out on Mother’s Day when I was 17. I figured after the whole bipolar thing, finding out that I’m also pansexual wouldn’t be too bad.”

“And? How did they take it?”

“Pretty well, I guess. Like I said, after the bipolar thing, finding out their son was also into dick didn’t seem like a big deal.” 

Lucas laughs, taking the joint from where Eliott holds it out to him. “Well, that’s good. I’m happy that it went well.” 

“So, if your parents weren’t the first people you came out to, who was it then? Which one of your friends?”

“Mika.” Lucas says, taking one final hit before stubbing out the dead joint on an ashtray sitting on the coffee table. “I mentioned him earlier- he’s my current roommate and was also my roommate back then. Like you, I was 17.” 

“Wait. You had roommates at 17? How?” 

Lucas nods. “Yeah. My dad had left and my mom was already not doing too well before that. Him leaving...it really caused her to spiral. So there I was- 16, abandoned by my dad with a mom struggling with mental illness to the point where she barely recognized me some days, and all of this happening right when I was starting to realize that I didn’t look at girls the way I was supposed to, the way my friends did. It was a lot. So one night I just...I ran. Ended up in a gay club and met Mika. Told him I didn’t want to go home that night so he took me back to his.”

“So...you guys hooked up then?” Eliott asks, looking confused.

Lucas makes a face of disgust. “Fuck no. I’ve never looked at Mika in that way- he’s like an annoying older brother, not someone I would or have ever been attracted to. No, it was strictly innocent. He was only looking out for me and he was kinda familiar with me because my friend Manon also lived with him at the time. I think he just saw that I was this lost kid and he wanted to help in whatever way he could.”

“He sounds like a good guy.”

“He is.” Lucas confirms. “He helped me a lot. I don’t know where I would be without him- something really bad could have happened to me that night if he hadn’t found me, you know? And being around him- seeing this guy who was so loud and confident about his sexuality...it did wonders for me. So after a year of living with him, I came out to him. The first person I had ever come out to.”

“And did it go well?” Eliott reaches out to grab Lucas’s hand and begins to stroke his fingers and palm. Lucas pauses for a moment before answering, finding himself distracted by the affectionate gesture.

“Well...yes and no. He reacted well to me being gay, of course. But then I said some shitty stuff about gay guys and how I wasn’t one of ‘those type of gays’ and he had to school me a little on my ignorance. So that part wasn’t too fun.”

Eliott laughs. “God, you’re lucky you’re so cute. Coming out while at the same time insulting other gay people. Wow.”

Lucas pulls his hand from Eliott’s to shove at Eliott’s shoulder playfully. “Shut up! It’s called internalized homophobia, for your information!” 

Eliott grabs at Lucas’s hands from where they are still pushing at his arm, pulling until Lucas gets the hint and moves to straddle Eliott’s hips. Eliott’s hands move down to grab Lucas’s waist and Lucas places his own hands on Eliott’s chest, enjoying the feeling of firm muscles through Eliott’s shirts. Eliott is grinning up at him and Lucas...Lucas still can’t believe his luck to be here in this moment with someone like Eliott. It all still feels like a dream- things like this just didn’t happen to him.

“You’re cute.” Eliott simply repeats, still grinning. Lucas reaches his fingers out to stroke the lines that form around Eliott’s eyes when he smiles. Lucas is still in awe of how beautiful Eliott is, that someone who looks like Eliott looked at Lucas and wanted _him_ , out of everyone who was in that club last night. He doesn’t understand what Eliott saw in him, but he’s so happy that the universe brought them together. 

“And you’re beautiful.” Lucas responds, marveling at how the compliment brings a pretty pink blush to Eliott’s cheeks. He can’t believe he can make a guy like _Eliott_ blush. Him, Lucas Lallemant. Wow.

Rather than reply, Eliott runs his hands from Lucas’s waist up his back until they are buried in Lucas’s soft hair and Eliott can pull him down and into a kiss. Instead of the frenzy of the previous night, this kiss is more softer, more gentle- though no less passionate. Lucas lets out a sigh through his nose and sinks into it, losing himself to the moment and the feeling of being with Eliott once more. As time passes and things progress until Eliott is sinking into Lucas again right there on the couch, it suddenly strikes Lucas how this is the most connected he’s felt with another guy- even with past boyfriends. And unlike before, as the thought hits Lucas while he is looking up at Eliott above him, sweaty and beautiful, it no longer seems so scary. Instead, it feels like the beginning of hope, of something new.

______________

“Do you really have to go?” Lucas knows he probably sounds clingy and ridiculous, but he can’t be bothered to care. Eliott has just finished getting dressed and is preparing to leave again and Lucas...Lucas doesn’t want to let him go. Not just yet.

Eliott sighs as he pats his pockets to presumably check that he has his phone and wallet. “I’m sorry, Lucas. My friends are expecting me tonight and I have to go home to get a few things done before I go meet up with them. I wish I could stay too.” 

Lucas sticks his bottom lip out in a pout and purposely widens his eyes, giving what Yann calls his ‘puppy eyes look’. “Can I at least have your number then?” 

Eliott hesitates for a moment and Lucas suddenly feels insecure. He had thought that the answer to his question would have been an easy yes, that Eliott wanted to see him again as much as Lucas wanted to see him. That Eliott was feeling the same way Lucas was. Lucas quickly speaks again. “I mean...if you want to. You don’t have to. I just...I thought that maybe we could hang again? If you wanted to?” 

Eliott steps forward, reaching for Lucas’s hand. He rubs his thumb over it in that now-familiar attempt to soothe. “Yes. Yes, of course I want to see you again, Lucas. I’m sorry, I just….I was being dumb, I’m sorry. Of course you can have my number. Here’s my phone, give me yours and we can plug each other’s numbers in.” 

Lucas feels his anxieties melt away at Eliott’s reassurance and he smiles as he takes Eliott’s outstretched phone and hands over his own. He plugs his number into Eliott’s phone before they swap phones again. “Well, here you go. I hope you have fun with your friends tonight.”

Eliott nods, biting his lip in an apparent nervous gesture. “I will. Thank you, Lucas. For everything. I mean it.”

“You’re welcome.” Lucas replies, feeling a bit confused by the seriousness of Eliott’s words but not wanting to question it. 

With another nod, Eliott leans down to press a kiss to Lucas’s lips. Expecting a quick goodbye peck, Lucas is surprised when instead the kiss lingers and Eliott reaches his hands up to stroke Lucas’s cheeks. One of these kisses turns into two until soon Lucas has lost count. Finally, Eliott pulls back and leans his forehead against Lucas’s, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I really gotta go.” 

“Okay.” 

Eliott leans back and his eyes trace Lucas’s face, looking to take in each feature carefully as if he wants to memorize it. He then removes his hands from Lucas’s face and nods again before going to the front door. Lucas follows behind him as Eliott goes into the hallway. 

“So...talk to you later then?” Lucas asks.

“Yeah, later.” 

“Okay. Bye, Eliott.” 

“Bye.” 

Lucas slowly closes the door as Eliott heads off in the direction of the elevator. He leans against it for a moment, grinning to himself as he mentally recounts the past few hours with Eliott and the promise of seeing him again, of this maybe becoming something more than a simple hookup. However, within a minute, there is a knock at Lucas’s back. Lucas starts, startled at the unexpected noise before he gets off the door and turns to open it again. 

“Eliott.” Lucas says, surprised to see him again. Surprised at how Eliott’s expression seems almost...broken. Like something is bothering him. “Are you okay?”

“Would you like to come with me tonight? To see my friends, I mean?” Eliott asks. Lucas laughs- this is what had Eliott so nervous? Like he really thought Lucas would ever say no to spending more time with him? 

“Of course, Eliott. I’d love to. “

“Great, great.” Eliott nods, his hands shoved in his front pockets as he shifts his weight back and forth on his heels. “I’ll send you the location, we are meeting up around 7 PM.” 

“Sounds great.” 

Despite Lucas’s positive answer, Eliott continues looking anxious and upset, continuing to rock back and forth on his heels.. Lucas speaks again, confused at what is going on. “Eliott, are you sure you’re ok-”

“There’s something I didn’t tell you.” Eliott abruptly says.

“Okay….?” Lucas laughs nervously, Eliott’s anxiety catching on to him now. “Do you have a boyfriend or something you didn’t tell me about?”

“No. I don’t do boyfriends. Or girlfriends, for that matter.”

Lucas feels his heart plummet to the floor and his blood rush in his ears. He...Lucas can’t believe he really thought Eliott could feel the same about him. That this could be something more. He should have known better- guys don’t feel like that about him, never about Lucas. They used him for what they wanted then discarded him once they were done. Lucas was stupid to think things with Eliott would be any differently- just because Eliott wanted sex a few more times than most one night stands did, that didn’t mean anything. “Oh- Oh, neither do I.” Lucas quickly replies, not wanting Eliott to notice that anything had changed with Lucas’s demeanor. 

“I’m going away tomorrow, Lucas.”

Lucas didn’t understand. A vacation- Eliott was upset that he didn’t tell him about an upcoming vacation? Why would he be upset about that? “Really? That’s cool. Where are you going?” 

“New York City.” 

“Oh wow, I’ve always wanted to go there. How long are you going to be gone for- a week or so?”

Eliott bit his lip, looking anguished before replying. “A few years, maybe more.”

“What?” Lucas is frozen. Did he hear Eliott right? He had to have heard Eliott wrong. 

“I’m going to an art school there. It’s a really great school, I’m- well, the last school I was at here in Paris I got kicked out of. Because of a manic episode, probably the worst one I’ve ever had. I ended up failing all of my classes and having to leave. I ended up looking into this school for a fresh start, got accepted, and now I’m going. Tomorrow.” Eliott rambles, his thumb pulling at his bottom lip in anxiousness.

“That’s-” Lucas has to swallow before trying to speak again, his words being choked by the emotion coursing through him. “That’s really great, Eliott. I’m so happy for you- that you’re pursuing your dreams and getting this fresh start. That’s amazing.”

“I should have told you earlier.” Eliott says miserably and Lucas shakes his head. 

“No, you don’t owe me anything, Eliott. We just met, I’m the guy you met in a club and hooked up with a few times. You didn’t need to tell me anything.” Lucas replies, each word feeling like a shard of glass cutting through his mouth. 

Eliott reaches out and grabs one of Lucas’s hands in both of his own. He pulls Lucas closer until he can lean down and press a kiss to the back of the hand he is still holding. Lucas is feeling so numb that it doesn’t even register that they are in the hallway where anyone can see them. After the kiss, Eliott releases Lucas’s hand and reaches up to gently cup Lucas’s cheeks. “You’re not just some guy I met in a club, Lucas. Not at all. I like you- I like you a lot, in fact.”

Lucas feels the telltale tingling in his eyes that signals they are filling with tears. He feels ridiculous- he _just met_ Eliott. This shouldn’t feel like such a devastating loss- but it does. “I like you a lot too.” 

Eliott lets out a deep sigh, reaching his thumbs up to brush away the tears that Lucas can feel beginning to fall from his eyes. “I’m sorry. This sucks.” 

“You can’t help it, Eliott. You can’t help when we met- that you are leaving tomorrow. Besides, you’re going to get to be a proper pretentious art nerd now.”

Eliott laughs and Lucas feels himself smile at the sound despite the tears that are still making their way down his cheeks. “Hey! I resent the implication that I wasn’t a proper pretentious art nerd before!” 

“Nah, you’re right. You definitely are now. This just makes you more official.” 

“Do you still want to come with me tonight to hang out with my friends? I get it if this changes your mind.” 

Lucas vigorously shakes his head and reaches up to grab onto Eliott’s wrists. “No, no, this changes nothing at all. Well, obviously it does- but not about hanging with your friends or you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you go- I mean if that’s what you want too?” 

“Yes, of course I want that too, Lucas. I want to be around you as much as I possibly can.” 

Lucas nods and then with a deep breath, he takes a step back and lets Eliott’s hands fall from where they were still cradling his face. He reaches up and brushes away some stray tears that he can still feel on his face. “Well, that’s settled then. Send me the details of what bar you’re going to and I’ll see you later.” 

Eliott sticks his hand back in his pockets and begins rocking on his heels again. Lucas pointedly tries to ignore the distress on Eliott’s face, knowing that part of him may break if he acknowledges it. This is so unfair. It’s all so unfair. So much for thinking the universe was looking out for him. It was just fucking hiim over like it always did. “I don’t want to go.” Eliott quietly says, so low that Lucas almost can’t make out the words. 

“But you have to,” Lucas responds just as quietly. “Remember, you have things to do? We will see each other later. It’ll be okay.” Even as he says it, Lucas knows it sounds like a lie. But he doesn’t know what else he could say- there’s nothing either of them can do to change the situation. Eliott is leaving and there’s nothing else to it. 

Eliott lets out a deep sigh before speaking again. “You’re right. You’re right. It will be okay. I’ll see you later, Lucas.” And with that, Eliott leans down and presses a soft kiss to Lucas’s cheek. Lucas still can’t be bothered to care that they’re still in the hallway and could be spotted by one of his neighbors. Somehow that no longer seems so important. 

“Bye, Eliott.” Lucas says as Eliott pulls back. “See you later.” And before Eliott can reply, Lucas quickly retreats back into his apartment and closes the door, leaning against it once more. He knows that was probably rude, but...he just couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand there and pretend that things were okay, like his insides weren’t crumbling with despair and sadness. 

As Lucas continues to lean against the door, his breath begins to come labored as tears begin to fall again. Lucas closes his eyes, returning to his method of counting his breaths and blocking all other thoughts out to help control the anxiety attack he was now experiencing. After a few minutes of this, Lucas feels himself calm down slightly, but the hurt still remains. 

He can’t imagine what his friends would think of him- standing here crying over a guy he had just met, a guy he barely knew and wasn’t even dating. But as much as he tried to reason with himself that he was overreacting- that the devastation of his reaction didn’t match the length of time he had known Eliott- part of him keeps whispering how that didn’t matter and despite the fact that they had just met, his connection with Eliott was unlike anything he had experienced before. And now he was losing that- losing that when he had finally found it. 

Lucas doesn’t know how this keeps happening to him- how he keeps getting left behind, how he is never allowed to have anything good. For most of his life, it seemed like he was only allowed fleeting moments of happiness before they were cruelly taken away from him. He should have known better to think things could have been any different with Eliott. Lucas Lallemant is meant to be alone. He just needs to accept that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont kill me. check the tags of this story, i promise there's a happy ending!! but the beauty of the film is the bittersweetness of the weekend, so i wanted to stay true to that. but don't worry, i could never write an unhappy ending (my poor heart couldn't handle it) so things will be okay, i promise. (also pls tell me you got the nod to evak with the bike ride moment)
> 
> thank you for reading and any kudos and comments you may leave. <3 it means so much to me! just a heads up, the next chapter is going to be long- probably the longest one in the fic. so it will probably take me a bit more time to write, but i'm setting a goal for myself of 1.5-2 weeks at most to get it up. see you soon- you can always come talk to me on twitter @eiiottdemaurys or on tumblr @adventuresofaphrodite until then :)


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